New Baby-

We find out if this baby is a boy or a girl in 5 weeks! I didn't WANT to wait until I'm 20 weeks, but that's alright =) I can't wait to see what we're having =) The heart beat was great today, 148 BPM. It was right in the middle, so she couldn't tell me what she would guess I'm having based on the heart rate. I still haven't gained weight, which is awesome considering I'm almost half way through this pregnancy already! I am showing, that's for sure.

I have the car tonight so Lily and I are on our way out for the gym =) Wish me luck!

Randomness

We had quite the blizzard last night! The snow is taller than Lily! Goes to Stephen's upper thigh (just about his hips..), though from the drifts- our car was buried. It was up to the windshield!

The pics above are a couple from Christmas and then the blizzard aftermath (so far...)

Pregnancy #5

This one has been rough on me. Physically and emotionally. I am VERY happy to be blessed with another child, especially under my circumstances. But MAN these aches and pains are at times unbearable. My tailbone has been hurting so bad lately that it feels like I'm in the beginning stages of back labor all over again. I'm going to the chiropracter tomorrow and I hope they can help me out!

I am 11 weeks now. I get to hear the baby's heart beat again tomorrow (the second time!) and I'm also finding out if I have gestational diabetes. Not looking forward to drinking the orange syrup.. but it is what it is. I haven not gained an OUNCE yet and am so proud of myself! I PROMISE I'm not "dieting" through the pregnancy- I am just eating healthier (besides the occasional fries or ice cream...) other than those items I am eating very healthy. I am showing already, that's for sure. I am actually making the transition right now to go full maternity clothes. It was very hard to pack up my clothes that I had worked so hard to fit in to this year. However... our family will be going from 3 to 4. And I get the joys of having a tiny baby in my arms for a year again =) I know I can't spoil him/her like I did Lily. Stephen and I had been laid off together when she was a month old, so we held her while she slept. Not at bed time, but naps through out the day. We could sing to her, hold her, read stories, everything. We loved it =) We'd even watch movies while holding her. I think that's why she's such a happy baby =)

Rambling.. I'm sorry. But I am VERY excited for this baby. We've been discussing names, but no one will know until he/she is born. It seemed there were no Lillian's prior to her birth, then all of a sudden they're all over the place!

I'll keep ya'll posted on my pregnancy progress. I am almost past the first trimester "hump" which is exciting, though I already have less than 5% chance of miscarriage since the heartbeat was so strong at merely 6.5 weeks =) Praise God things are going well!

Christmas Parade 2010

Lillian and I were in the Christmas Parade downtown tonight =) It was fun, but FREEZING. My lips were numb.... teeth were freezing. I put forth great effort to smile... but I'm afraid I probably looked like I was grimacing at people.. Lily did GREAT! She didn't whine ONCE. She had many layers on, boots, gloves, hat, AND a blanket. When we were done with the parade, we got home pretty fast since I didn't stay to see the rest of the parade (it was quite cold..) we get home and start to take off our layers and her hands were FREEZING, poor thing! We read 2 long books with the space heater on and three blankets trying to warm her up. She's such a sweetheart =) I loved being there with her in her first parade experience!

I am Loved.

So I am feeling very loved today =D I got a package from Barb, my dad's first wife. And in it was a TON of things to sew with! So much stuff! Just "Because". WAY awesome! Following this, we sent a couple emails back and forth and it was really nice to share some of my hobbies with her and learn some of hers! In nearly 25 years, I haven't really known her. So it's a pretty cool thing!

AND! My cousin and her boyfriend are spending Thanksgiving with us, even though Lily is sick. This is the first time in 4 years where we'll have company for Thanksgiving. WAY awesome! I wouldn't mind making this a tradition.... (HINT!) Just makes me feel so SPECIAL and LOVED.

AND! A friend who moved away has contacted me through email today and we've caught up a bit. WAY AWESOME!

It's insane, though- how close I am to people hundreds of miles away... but FEEL like I'm hundreds of miles away from people we see every week. Family is seriously taken for granted. Makes me want to be a hermit crab and keep to myself. I try not to think about it much, but it creeps up there and bites now and again. It's sad. But I have Stephen and Lily right here, and I know they love me VERY much and that's more than good enough for me =D

Break, Please?

So... Stephen had to work on Saturday, he went to church without us because he was going to a concert in Grand Rapids, and it'd be too much gas $ having 4 trips back and forth, so Lillian and I stayed home. I haven't had a "Break" (In other words... more than 10 minutes at a time..) to clean the apartment/have a few moments to myself.  Then this past Wednesday, Stephen's writers group went over, Lillian and I were stuck at the gym (Literally...) so we got a ride home with my co worker. I don't have the key to get in the house, so my landlord lets me in. Stephen gets home at 1PM (was supposed to pick us up at 11:30AM....) and not so much as a "sorry" what he said was "it ran over a bit. How'd you get home? How'd you get in?" no sorry, sorry to make you worry.. sorry Lillian hasn't eaten in 5 hours... ETC. So I was angry. Lillian wouldn't nap, kept taking off her diapers, peed in her crib, had urine all over her.. it was HORRIBLE. This morning (Monday..) I had personal training at the gym (youch!!!! She kicked my butt! But I survived!!!), I come home at 11Am, and Stephen is sound asleep as Lillian chatters away in her crib. She gets up at 830AM at the latest anymore..So I was all tensed up. Then my boss calls and asks me to work tonight. I want to work more in the gym instead of daycare anyways, so I say sure. but MAN... I feel like I'm "go go go!!" and sometimes I can't pick up his slack. He is working 50-60 hours a week, I understand he is overwhelmed. I understand he's tired. However, it's his choice to stay up until 4AM playing video games. I'm up every morning at 615 to get to the gym, work out, and then work. And then I have Lillian and house work all day. I'm tired too... I wish I had a friend who lived close that could play with Lillian and let me either take a breather, or do work. Or even just to come over and chat, take my mind off of things..
So that's my rant for the day. I'm so tired! Going to get off of here and snooze!

Fitness, no?

I'm VERY excited! I start my personal training on Monday =) I'm going to start on a list of goals, large and small for losing this weight and inches! I will have 10  1 hour sessions with Shawn! I'm hoping that at the end of 5 or 6 months from now I will be down 50ibs and to 115-120ibs and in a size 4 again. I miss that so much! I have been so uncomfortable in my own skin for too long now!

We're also hoping to get Lillian potty trained in  a couple of weeks! We're thinking Thanksgiving weekend. I ask her one or two times a day if she's excited to wear her big girl panties and get rid of her diapers, she says "yeesssss!!!!!! no more diapers!" too cute. I'm scared to do it.. but it needs to be done.